95% of the time I think before I talk. I'm a shy person so if there's a conversation happening and I have something to say I'll wait for the opportune moment to say it (i.e. a break in the conversation). Well, many times, that doesn't happen so I have my thought floating around in my mind saying to me "ok...I'm taking up space here...get me out quick!!!". But by that time, the conversation has moved on and the thought has to be buried.
5% of the time I just talk. Sometimes this works in my favour and other times it doesn't. This was one of those it doesn't days. I'll spare the details, but in a nutshell there was a conversation that took place and I reacted inappropriately to an inappropriate remark. Vague...I know. I'm leaving it that way for a reason. Not too long afterwards a friend called me out on my reaction. Now don't get me wrong - I'm glad that this friend did that. They were keeping me in line and ultimately I'm grateful for that. It also provided me for a chance to apologize.
But I'm still embarrassed...
Why? Because I'm afraid that my reaction could have offended or hurt a lot of people. Because even though my reaction wasn't ill-intentioned, I'm still ashamed and can't believe that I reacted that way. When this has happened in the past it has made me feel sick. It also makes me want to take a vow of silence.
In theory I should probably say something along the lines of "but I have no regrets of my mistake because I have learned a valuable lesson". But it would be faaaaar closer to the truth for me to say "I DO have regrets and wish I could take back those words AND this valuable lesson could be saved indefinitely".
Looks like I still have a lot of growing to do in the area of wisdom.
Are you more of a shy person or do you enjoy leading a conversation?
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